normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
