3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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