How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
