Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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