i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
