Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
