Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize