one word: firstdatebathroomanal
never play flip cup with pint glasses
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
