Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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