Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
