What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
