I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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