You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I am never drinking with the goths again.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
