Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
