just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
