Did you just see the Batmobile???
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
