I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
