If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize