so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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