I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm getting married
To pizza
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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