Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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