Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
