I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
