If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
