he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
