Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
