I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
