That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
