we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize