If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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