"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
