I can tuck mytits in my pants
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
