yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
It's never too late to be topless.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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