I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
