She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
