thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
So apparently I’m into choking now
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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