I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
