put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
