I never want to see another naked old woman again.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
