i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
