How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
