...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize