taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
