he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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