Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We left the knife in your bed.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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