Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
