He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
