Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
organizing the empties. That sober.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize