Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
two words...techno handjob
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
