We're facebook friends in real life
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize