I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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