If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
