I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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