The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize