Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
