so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
