Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
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