The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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