I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
How external is "for external use only"?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
