So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
