theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
