i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
