How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
