Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
