Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
