i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
