I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
