I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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