You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
