I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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