I cockslap morals
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I'm passing your future prison.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
