I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
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