I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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