she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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