I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
