He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize