some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
