Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
