My first STD was from a foam party
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
