Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
