A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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