i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
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